Commander Kelly: Marijauna and Pate in California

Saturday, June 30, 2012

Marijauna and Pate in California

California Contraband

As of tomorrow (7/1/12), it will be legal in the state of California to smoke marijuana (with easily obtainable marijauna cards) but illegal to eat pate (http://eatocracy.cnn.com/2012/05/04/foie-gras-laws-causing-a-flap-with-california-chefs/)! California has legalized marijauna and criminalized foie gras!

Choom POTUS

I used to believe that Marijauna was an ambition suppressant, but that was before I read about our President in the Choom gang on Hawaii (http://abcnews.go.com/blogs/politics/2012/05/obama-and-his-pot-smoking-choom-gang/)! Clearly one can now inhale and still aspire to the highest office in the land. Such a pity about his buddy Ray though (Obama's high school dealer was killed by his gay lover with a ball-peen hammer)!

A "wasted youth" is always to be preferred over a "youth wasted."

When foie gras is outlawed, only outlaws will eat foie gras! I look forward to reading police reports of midnight raids on Chez Panisse in Berkeley and The French Laundry in Yountville. Will we soon be seeing Alice Waters in Chains, or, at least, handcuffs? These animal-hating, gourmandizing members of the one percent must be brought to heel immediately! Enlightened Californians have once more blazed a trail for the rest of us to follow...like the proverbial lemmings.

No more pate in the hamper for Roger!

In the UK, which already has the pate ban in place, butchers that do not comply with the law are losing their jobs (http://www.huffingtonpost.co.uk/2012/02/18/butcher-jack-o-shea-selfridges-pate-banned-foie-gras-_n_1286275.html). Even the former James Bond actor, Roger Moore ("There's an excellent pate in the hamper" suavely declared the turncoat in 1973's Live and Let Die!), has been recruited to to promote this nonsense! I always knew that Sean Connery, who enjoys foie gras while at a fat farm in Never Say Never Again (contraband Bond, I know), was the one true Bond anyway! Don't tell anyone, but the secret password is "French Fillet".

First they came for the soda pop
and I didn't speak out because I don't drink soda.

Then they came for the foie gras
and I didn't speak out because I don't eat foie gras.

Then they came for (your favorite food or drink here)
And there was nothing left to eat but rice cakes and water.

Call me a reactionary, but Commander Kelly still thinks that a Chateau d'Yqem pairs better with foie gras than Maui Wowie.

The next innovation from California will, no doubt, be..."medical foie gras".