Our sensitive and caring President took time out of his busy schedule during the recent government shutdown to inform us that the Washington Redskins should think about changing the name of their football team in order to avoid offending Native Americans....
According to a 2004 survey, 90% of Native Americans were not actually bothered by the term "Redskins" and many Native American schools use the name for their school teams (http://washington.cbslocal.com/2013/10/08/how-many-native-americans-think-redskins-is-a-slur/).
But let's leave that aside, as clearly a minority within a minority is offended by the name "Redskins".
President Obama did not, however, go on to make positive suggestions for changing the name to something that would more accurately express the feelings of Americans towards Washington D.C. and all of our elected officials. To remedy this oversight Commander Kelly had come up with a list of alternate team names that would address this dire problem facing the nation's capitol....
First, there are alliterative options such as...
Washington Will O' the Wisps
Then there are more descriptive options...
Washington Un-named Sources
Washington Scumbag Millionaires (Bollywood combines political types and NFL felons)
PETA may object, but there are some choice animals names that remain unused by the NFL...
Washington Dodo Birds
Washington Horny Toads
Washington Turkeys (Benjamin Franklin would surely have approved)
If the franchise were to move to London and play at Wembley they would just require a small tweak...
|Go London Redcoats!|
Guards Museum, London
Finally, there his my own personal favorite...
Washington Zombies (Go Team Z!)
On second thought, perhaps they should just stick with "Washington Redskins" (about 80% of Americans actually agree on something -- see video below). Go Redskins!
Commander Kelly invites you, dear reader, to come up with your own helpful suggestions for new and improved names for Washington's NFL franchise in the Comment field below.
You can order Commander Kelly's first book, America Invades here...www.americainvades.com or on Amazon...www.amzn.com/1940598427